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被人霸凌的傷痛究竟有多深？有人不願回顧；有人餘悸猶存。
How deep do the wounds of bullying run? While many victims would rather not think about it, for some, the painful memories linger.

小玲（化名）是一位正努力要走出受凌陰霾的國中生，她勇敢描述自己慘痛的經歷，希望她的故事能讓更多人開始省思：孩子怎麼了？學校怎麼了？家庭怎麼了？社會又怎麼了？
Xiao Ling (not her real name) is a young junior-high student who is working hard to escape from the shadow of bullying. She has courageously offered to share her story in the hopes that it will make more people reflect on the impact of bullying.

「我們國中女生是有很多心機的，」小玲說，女生團體裡有很多小圈圈，一群人會透過共同討厭一個人來凝聚共識和感情。
“Girls at junior high, we’re a cunning lot,” says Xiao Ling. The female student body tends to split into many smaller cliques, and sometimes girls will come together over a shared dislike for a particular person.

活潑的小玲原來也是班上「七人小組」中的一份子，但因不肯配合她們「共同討厭一個人」，被認為「背叛」、「囂張」，最後反倒變成被針對、排擠的對象。
The generally outgoing Xiao Ling was originally part of a well-known group of seven girls in her class, but when she wasn’t willing to go along with their shared dislike of one of their classmates, she became a target herself, getting ostracized and called “arrogant.”

「我比較活潑，跟很多小學同校的男生都像哥兒們，更惹她們不開心，」小玲說，她們用很多難聽的話辱罵她，連「妓女」、「婊子」這種不堪入耳的字眼都用上。
“I was good friends with a lot of boys I went to elementary school with, and they -really didn’t like that,” she says. The other girls began hurling harsh insults at Xiao Ling, calling her a “whore,” a “slut,” and many other hurtful things.

「每天到學校聽到那些冷言冷語，就會很難過，累積久了，整個人很憂鬱，」小玲說。
“It made me sad to hear those insults -every day at school, and over time they piled up and I started to get depressed.”

一開始小玲曾回家向媽媽哭訴，媽媽還向導師反應，無奈班導師是位經驗不足的男老師，不能理解小女生之間的彆彆扭扭、眉眉角角，判斷那幫人在班上人緣甚佳，應是小玲理虧，於是要小玲去跟那群人道歉，和解了事。但小玲自認為沒有做錯任何事，不肯低頭、示弱，就這樣，一段長達一年的「人際關係霸凌」越演越烈。
Xiao Ling, crying, told her mother what was happening, and her mother told the home-room teacher, but the home-room -teacher was an inexperienced male teacher, with no understanding of the tricks young girls have up their sleeves. He figured that since the girls being accused seemed so well liked in the class, it must have been Xiao Ling that was in the wrong, and he demanded that she apologize to the girls. Confident she’d done nothing wrong, Xiao Ling refused to give in and show weakness, and so began a long year of worsening “social bullying.”

孤立無援
Stranded

同學故意忽視、排擠小玲，慶生跳過她；分組時故意拉走她身邊的同學，讓她落單；發東西給她用丟的；班上同學合照剪掉她……，各種想像得到的不平等待遇都會落在小玲頭上，她們甚至到處造謠，讓小玲的「壞名聲」遠播到其他班級。
Her classmates ignored and ostracized Xiao Ling, even ignoring her birthday. When it was time to split up into groups, they would pick people around her, but leave her on her own. When handing things out, they would just throw hers to her. They even cut her out of class photos. They even began spreading rumors about her, giving her a bad reputation that spread beyond just her class.

「老師根本『無視』，覺得放著不處理，自己會好，」小玲說，跟老師講以後，她們更不爽，有些同學雖然不認同她們的作為，但也不敢公然挺自己；有些人則當起兩面人，私底下跟小玲爆料，卻又在她們面前加入說小玲壞話的行列。
“The teachers just pretended not to notice, figuring that everything would sort itself out,” says Xiao Ling. There were some students who didn’t agree with what was happening, but nonetheless wouldn’t stand behind Xiao Ling publicly. Some acted two-faced, chatting with her in private, but joining in the lynching in public.

就在小玲孤立無援時，一些已經畢業但未繼續升學的學長們透過部落格認識小玲，知道她在班上受欺負，還很「義氣」地在校門口堵同學，「嗆聲」幫小玲出氣。
Some students who had already graduated but not yet moved on to high school got to know Xiao Ling through blogs, and when they learned of the bullying she was being subjected to, they “righteously” confronted her classmates by the school gates, speaking up for her.

「校外人士」雞婆的幫倒忙，不僅落實了小玲的「惡名」，讓她跳到黃河都洗不清；想與這些人撇清的後果，又將小玲推向更痛苦的深淵。
The help that these “outsiders” provided, though, only served to further tarnish Xiao Ling’s reputation, and these people who had tried to help only ended up causing further pain for her.

「有些人認為認識這些大哥、大姊，很酷、很跩、很威風；有他們撐腰，在學校的日子會比較好過，」小玲說，其實不然，在學校同學的排擠、冷言冷語更形激烈；「那些校外人士」又一步步進逼。在學校附近的巷子裡堵小玲，尾隨她回家，晚上在住家樓下叫喊她的名字，不斷打手機騷擾她，甚至威脅：「不會放過妳」，要「一直纏著妳」。
Already ostracized by her peers, Xiao Ling also gradually became the target of some people outside the school. She would have her way blocked in the lanes near the school, and people would follow her home. At night, they would stand outside her building yelling her name, while others constantly called her cellphone, harassing and threatening her.

小玲不敢告訴老師，一來怕老師認為是自己去招惹那些校外人士，二來又怕因此被生教約談。小玲也不敢告訴父母，因為當時家庭氣氛不好，父母已經心力交瘁。
Xiao Ling didn’t dare tell her teachers, partly out of concern that they would think it was her fault for bringing in “those outsiders,” and partly for fear that she would have to go talk to the student affairs officer again. She didn’t want to tell her parents either, because the atmosphere at home was already strained and she didn’t want to put her parents under further stress.

孤立無援的小玲每天生活在驚恐中，一聽到外面有人叫喊自己的名字，就會心生恐懼，經常躲起來崩潰大哭。
Alone and with no-one to turn to, Xiao Ling lived in fear, hiding and bursting into tears whenever she heard people outside calling her name.

學校同學的排擠、外頭幫派份子的糾纏，加上家裡的紛擾，三方壓力齊來，小玲終於難以抵擋地崩潰瓦解，整天躲在家裡，不肯出門上學。
Being isolated from her peers, harassed by her one-time online supporters—who turned out to be gangsters—and facing problems at home, Xiao Ling began to fall apart, hiding at home all day afraid to step outside, even to go to school.

只要簡單的幸福
Simple pleasures

媽媽雖然不完全清楚小玲的遭遇，但眼看她不肯上學，於是想盡辦法幫她轉學，讓小玲換一個學習環境，重新開始。
Although she didn’t fully understand what Xiao Ling was going through, Xiao Ling’s mother could see she didn’t want to go to school, and worked hard to find some way to get her transferred to a different school, where she could get a fresh start.

遠離讓她恐懼的環境後，有同學內咎地傳簡訊跟她道歉，小玲已能原諒那些曾經帶給她痛苦的同學，也更看清楚了一些事情的原委。
Once she had escaped that climate of fear, Xiao Ling received some apologetic text messages from former classmates who felt guilty about what had happened. She was able to forgive those who had caused her so much pain, and the distance gave her a clearer perspective on what had happened.

「騷擾我的人家庭也有一些問題，」小玲說，一開始自己對他們有所好奇，覺得他們不壞，後來發現根本不能溝通，無法對話時，卻又甩不掉他們的糾纏。 “Those people who were harassing me had their own problems at home,” she says. The gangsters in particular had been people who seemed like ordinary people at first, but after indulging her curiosity further, Xiao Lin discovered they were gangsters and delinquents; once she broke off communication, they turned on her and became another intractable problem.

「他們空有虛張聲勢的外表，內心其實很『俗仔』，」小玲其實明白，那些人雖然不時出言恐嚇，但也不敢真的對自己怎樣。
“They put on tough fronts, but inside they’re actually just scared,” says Xiao Ling. She’s come to understand that even though they talked a big game, they didn’t dare actually do anything to her.

小玲的心情看似已經平復，但內心仍餘悸猶存。當憂鬱造訪時，過去那段不愉快記憶又會浮上心頭，「一想到就會哭！」小玲說。
Today, Xiao Ling seems to be back to normal, but the experience has still left its scars. When she’s feeling down, memories of the past come back to haunt her, “and I just burst into tears the moment I think of all that.”

在新的環境裡，小玲的「重新開始」也不太順利。
Making a new start hasn’t been easy for Xiao Ling either.

「我變得不太相信別人，」小玲說，自己變得不容易跟人「交心」，內心裡總是擔心歷史會再重演，之後還是會被這樣對待。
“I became less willing to trust other people,” she says, and she had trouble really connecting with others. At some level, she’s still afraid that history might repeat itself.

懶得去交際，懶得對別人表達友好，讓小玲在新環境中又再度受挫。當「轉來又一直請假，幹嘛要轉來？」的耳語傳來，小玲又開始請假不上學了。
This loss of motivation to get close to others has caused some problems to once again rear their heads. She began skipping school because she didn’t have friends there, and whispers of, “If she’s just going to keep skipping school, why’d she bother transferring?” began circulating. People talking behind her back only made her even less enthusiastic about going to school.

「我現在覺得，穿制服跟大家一起努力讀書是一件很幸福的事，」小玲滿眼落寞地說，自己會繼續求醫、接受諮商輔導，以求早日克服心理障礙。
“Now I feel like just being able to put on the uniform and study alongside everyone else would be a great thing,” says Xiao Ling, her eyes awash in loneliness. She continues to get help and counseling, and hopes she’ll soon be able to overcome her psychological obstacles.

校園裡，被打得頭破血流、鬧上新聞版面的案例不多，但表面完好、內心傷痕累累的「小玲」卻不少。大人們似乎應該好好想想，如何協助小玲早日走出陰霾，無憂無慮地當一個「幸福」的孩子。　　　　
While there may not be many headline-worthy cases of students being beaten and bloodied on campuses, stories like Xiao Ling’s, of students who look fine from the outside but are crying on the inside, are far from rare. Those of us in the adult world should think long and hard about how we can help people like Xiao Ling escape this dark cloud and enjoy a happy and carefree adolescence.

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